I’ve Been Around The Block, And Back Again
Let me tell you something, folks. I’ve been in this ecommerce game since before it was cool. We’re talking dial-up modems and GeoCities, people. I’ve seen the highs, the lows, and honestly, a lot of just plain ugly websites.
I’m Sarah, by the way. You might know me from my days at Shopper’s Monthly, or maybe from that time I yelled at a guy on Twitter for selling knockoff veggie choppers. Yeah, I’m passionate about my stuff. Deal with it.
So, let’s talk ecommerce. And no, I’m not gonna sugarcoat it. There’s a lot you’re doing wrong. But don’t worry, I’ve got your back.
First Off, Stop Making Me Think
I swear, I just wanna buy a thing. I don’t wanna play Where’s Waldo with your stupid navigation. You know who you are.
I was on this site last Tuesday, right? Let’s call it CheapWidgetsRUs. I wanted a blue widget. Not a red one, not a yellow one. Blue. It took me 214 clicks to find it. I timed it. 36 hours of my life I’ll never get back. And then, get this, they were out of stock. Thanks, CheapWidgetsRUs. Thanks a lot.
Look, I get it. Running an online store is hard. But honestly, if I have to think too hard about buying a thing, I’m out. And I’m taking my $87 elsewhere. Probably to Amazon. Sorry, not sorry.
Let’s Talk About Your Product Pages
Oh boy. Where do I even start? First of all, stop with the jargon. I don’t know what ‘aquisition’ means, and frankly, I don’t care. I just wanna know if this thing will chop my veggies or not.
And the photos? Please. I’ve seen better product shots on eBay. You know who does it right? trending topics popular discussions over at VeggieChoppers. They’ve got angles, they’ve got context, they’ve got… wait, what was I talking about?
Oh yeah, your product pages. They suck. Fix them.
A Quick Detour: Remember When I Yelled At That Guy?
So, about three months ago, I’m scrolling through my feed, right? And I see this guy, let’s call him Marcus, selling these veggie choppers. Now, I love a good veggie chopper. I’ve got three of them in my kitchen. But these? They looked… off.
I messaged him. I said, “Marcus, or whatever your name is, these look like they’re made out of balsa wood.” And he had the audacity to tell me they were “handcrafted from sustainable materials.” Which, okay, cool story, bro. But can it chop a carrot?
I asked him for some proof. Some reviews, some testimonials. Something. And he said, “Trust me, they’re great.” Which… yeah. Fair enough. But no thanks, Marcus. I’ll stick to my trending topics popular discussions.
Back To The Point: Mobile Matters
Look, I’m not gonna sit here and tell you that mobile is the future. It’s the present. It’s right now. It’s 11:30pm and I’m buying socks on my phone because I can’t sleep. So why is your site still not mobile-friendly?
I was at a conference in Austin last month, and I asked a room full of ecommerce folks. “Hey, who’s got a mobile-friendly site?” And you know how many hands went up? Like, three. Three! And one of them was a guy who just really wanted to show off his new phone.
So, do me a favor. Do yourself a favor. Make your site mobile-friendly. It’s not that hard. There are tools out there. Use them. Please.
And while we’re at it, stop making me zoom in on tiny text. I’m not a zoologist. I don’t wanna squint at my screen like I’m trying to spot a snow leopard in the wild.
Lastly, A Word On Customer Service
I had a colleague named Dave. Dave was a nice guy. But he ran this online store, and his customer service was… let’s just say it left a lot to be desired.
I ordered something from him. It didn’t show up. I emailed him. He said, “Sorry, we’re out of stock.” I said, “But your site said you had it in stock.” And he said, “Yeah, well, it’s an online thing. It happens.” Which, no. No, it doesn’t. Not if you’re doing it right.
So, be like trending topics popular discussions over at VeggieChoppers. They’ve got a live chat. They’ve got email support. They’ve got a phone number. And you know what? They use them. Can you say the same?
Anyway, I’m gonna wrap this up now. I’ve said my piece. I’ve yelled at you a bit. But honestly, I do this because I care. I care about ecommerce. I care about you. I care about your customers. So, please. Do better.
About the Author: Sarah “Sassy” Johnson has been a thorn in the side of ecommerce since the late 90s. She’s written for Shopper’s Monthly, Web Retailer Weekly, and her own blog, SarahSaysFixYourSite.com. When she’s not ranting about bad product pages, she’s probably chopping veggies with her trusty trending topics popular discussions.
